Is it just me or is something wrong with this picture?

Ok, my time to complain, again!!  Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but the only thing keeping him alive at this very moment is that fact that I am too tired to clean up the mess the shot gun would leave behind.  He is gone two nights a week to attend college.  When he is home, he is in his man cave "studying and doing homework".  When he comes out of his man cave it is usually to eat, sleep, or watch tv.  Yes, I am the one who suggested that he return to college so that he could find a different profession so that he would be happier.  Yes, I am a strong, independent woman who can handle four children and run a household all by myself, but should I have to??
Last night, after attending a function that I did not enjoy, but was required as a wife and mother to attend.  My husband asked to go to his friends' house for some fun.  Me being the wonderful wife that I am said, "Yes, just be home by 9am tomorrow for church."  Wasn't that so freakin sweet of me?!!!   He had a wonderful time, even came home at 8:30 am.  Good job!!  I took care of his four children, oh after I went grocery shopping at two stores at 8 pm on a Saturday night.  When he walked in the house at 8:30 am, his breakfast plate of fried egg whites and turkey sausage were warm and ready for him to enjoy.  "Thank you"???  Nope, never heard that word.  Just asked  me reheat his sausage, it was cold.    Finally got everyone dressed and at church on time.  Ran a couple errands after church, then home to do some house work.

 Daughter is cooking hotdogs for the kids, Oldest is gathering all the trash to take to the dump; one twin is cleaning his room; other twin is sweeping; I am working on the next load of laundry; HE is.....where is he??  "Where is Papa??"  OMG!!!  He is snoring, all wrapped up and asleep in our bed.  REALLY? Snoring??  I am so livid...I just want to put him out of my misery!!

Is it just me or is something wrong with this picture?  Redneck Mama says....you better start sleeping with one eye open, cuz you are going to pay for this one sir!!

Oh....and did I forget to mention that I am premenstral and just started a new diet for Lent??

Is it really worth the effort?

I am preparing to leave my lovely family for 3 days and 2 nights.  I am attending a conference, 4 hours from home, that will provide me with information to help me do my job better.  My position requires that I stay up to date on current laws and procedures, so I really need to attend.  But, before I can leave, I have to make sure that the world goes on as smoothly as possible in my absence.  Ok,  need to make sure that there is food and drink, properly labeled and ready for the next 3 days.  You know when a man opens a refrigerator, it's like a black hole....they see nothing.  "Ok honey, the taco meat is on the 2nd shelf, on the right and it looks like ground hamburger meat with seasoning...find it?  Ok, now look on the 3rd shelf for the flour tortillas...good....now pull out the cheese draw and find the shredded cheese.  Good...now the Pace picante sauce in the door on the 2nd shelf.   What....how long do you heat up the meat in the microwave....and how long for the tortillas...what?....where are the plates?"  WTH!!  It may sound trivial...but it REALLY happens!

I also have to make sure that everyone has clothes for 3 days, underwear, socks, jeans, t-shirts, shoes, etc.  The schedule of events for all the children must be typed and printed in duplicate.  Give one to husband, one to friend and leave one a the house.  Pick up this kid at 5 after track practice; pick up this kid at 6:30 after tennis practice, have these 2 kids to Cub Scouts by 7:00.  Oh, but make sure you find some time for everyone to do their homework and feed them the tacos I just told you how to make.

I also have to pack for myself.  Makeup, toothbrush, hair stuff, deodorant, jammies, shoes, hose, socks, clothes, money....oh yeah, I need money to pay for everything that I already bought and paid for at my house, so I can eat something.  Dear God....is it really worth all this effort just to go away for a few days??  Redneck Mama says....Hell yes!!!   Bring on the Peach Bellini's and cheesecake...I'm a free woman for 3 days!!

Redneck Mama's Helpful Hint #1

On Saturday or Sunday, sometimes both, I spend a lot of time cooking, in advance for the week ahead.  It's nothing to have a crockpot or two going with chicken or soup; the oven with a meatloaf, sausage browning in a pan and the grill warming up for the pork chops.  I scramble eggs and brown the sausage, mix together and we are ready for breakfast tacos for the week ahead.  When the meatloaf has cooled, I wrap it in foil and it's ready for Monday night's dinner.  The chicken, once cooked, is used to make chicken spagetti and chicken enchiladas for Tuesday and Thursday.  Wednesday is a good night for the soup in the pot.  Then finish the week with a buffet of all the leftovers from the week.  Oh, the pork chops on the grill are for Sunday night.  It may sound like a lot of work, but it's better to get it done on your day off before the week of homework, sports, practices and etc.  Redneck Mama says...on the weekends, cook like hell then all week long, you and yours will eat so well!

My first alarm clock will start going off in 4 hours.  The second and third alarm clocks will start their lovely noises 5 and 7 mins after the first one.  In my sleepy stooper, I will start searching for which clock is going off and proceed to hit it until the snooze feature turns off the noise.  I will fall back into my wonderful slumber until that damn alarm goes off again.  I will then reach over and seek out which alarm clock is going off this time.  This early morning ritual will continue for about 40 mins until I finally look over at one of those clocks and realize..."Oh shit...I'm late!"  Then the race is on!  Every morning its the same; alarm, hit snooze, alarm, hit snooze, etc.  I feel so terrible that my lack of discipline to get up with the first alarm might disturb my wonderful husband.  No fear....he sleeps through the whole thing!!  How wonderful it must be to sleep soundly and restfully knowing that someone else will sweetly wake you up with the lovely words..."Honey, it's time to get up" instead of those freakin alarms going off and off and off.  Will Mamas ever be able to be woken up by those sweet words or are we doomed to hear the screeches of electrical alarms forever??  Redneck Mama says....I better get in bed now before those clocks start screaming!!

Can Mama's REALLY do it all?

I have been pondering what to say in my first post on my new blog site.  It just hit me.  It is 10:30 at night and it has been a packed day.  Am I really supposed to be everything to everyone and not go crazy?  Up since 7:30 am cooking a good breakfast for my family of six...some want  fried eggs, one who only wants fried egg whites, one who wants scrambled with salt, one who wants scrambled with cheese and salt, one who wants scramble with only cheese and who wants Lucky Charms.  Not to mention the Orange Danishes in the oven and  the sausage.  Then I begin my daily drill sargent routine..."Wash hands and face; brush teeth; get dressed!!"  Every morning!  Ok, so it's out the door and headed to church.  Arrive at church, teenagers are being cranky.  In the middle of church, the teenage girl is crying over her prayer book.  Take her out to the parish hall to see what is wrong..."Papa looked at me mean!"  REALLY? Teenage hormones are a bitch!  Finish church, then it's off to fill up with gas, get my Sonic drink and head to pick up a different teenage girl with my teenage son.  This is to be his first date...but it's not really a date because, "I'm not sixteen yet and you said I couldn't date until I was sixteen, so this is not a date...right?"  Brat!   Sent Papa and the other 3 children home with a list of chores to do that I know will not get done while I head 50 miles to Lufkin with my 14 year old and his "not a date" friend.  Sit 5 rows behind them in the movie theatre trying to be cool.  But I also had to take a few pictures...it's the scrapbooker's rule!!  Then rush back to town after the movie; deliver the "not a date" to her dad; take teenage boy to meet other teenagers at church for a sleepover with the youth group.  Meet husband and twins.  Husband wants steak so it's off to a restaurant for be a family of four.  Arrive home at around 8 pm, watch movie with twins for "family movie time".  10:30 send them to bed and husband wants a "date night"?  OMG!!  Is it just me or do you feel tired just reading this???  After a day of taking care of everyone...now I have to be romantic?  Well, can Mama's really do it all??   Redneck Mama says....YES  or we'll die trying!! 

You are very brave to be here!  This blog is going to let you stay informed on the way things really are...according to Redneck Mama!

Don't bother reading any further if you don't want the redneck truth!  Mama won't pull any punches and very rarely admits she is wrong or that she needs to apologize!  She says what she believes and does not worry about how "colorful" it is.

Mama asked me to introduce her so here it goes!

Mama loves to take care of others.  She doesn't think she's good at much but that's not really true.  She's great at that taking care part.  You'll do well to pay attention to her advice whether it be on how she manages to take care of us or who she thinks needs to be taken care of!

She has been taking care of folks all her life.  Currently she is taking care of a husband of almost 18 years and has four offspring (Lord help us all!).  The oldest is a boy who is near 15.  Then there is a 13 year old girl." I am sure you'll hear lots about.  Finally comes the twins.  They are 6 and are sometimes called Jacob and Esau because they are soooooo different.  There is also the family dog that she tolerates and I am sure will get a mention or two if for no other reason than because he inserts himself into everything we do!

On top of caring for all of us she has a more than full time job.  She works in the school system watching over the care of special needs children.  Her views on what the children need, how they came to have a need, what they are able to get and what they should get, do not always match with the law; but it should!!!!  I only mention her work to demonstrate her commitment to caring.  This blog is not intended to address any of her professional life, so don't look for too much on that.  You probably will hear some truth about what she deals with at work.

What this blog will cover is how she gets through her life.  She has lots of great thoughts on what is important and what really doesn't matter!  She knows and follows the rules of the Southern women and has a few shortcuts to help her take care of everyone the right way.  And take care of everyone she does!  There are folks here in town and those at work who know they can count on her.  Not only have they already realized the truth of what she says but they all enjoy how she says it.

I hope you will all come back and hear from Mama often because it is important to listen to what Redneck Mama says...!